story written by: Esther/ edited by: Emily Harris
The high school years are an important part of our development and transition to adulthood. You’re trying to figure out who you are, and who you want to become. It’s a time of making new friends, experimenting with new things, learning to drive (first taste of freedom!), and, of course, having a boyfriend. I am a twin, and being a twin definitely had some advantages in high school! Double the friends, double the clothes, double everything really. In school, my sister and I were known as The Korean Twins, and we loved knowing that everyone knew us as a pair. Our first year of high school, things were great. It seemed like everyone liked us – our friends were fun, our classes weren’t too boring, and attention from boys was never lacking. One day, a girl whose boyfriend had developed a huge crush on my twin began getting jealous. Extremely jealous. From that day on, things would never be the same for The Korean Twins. The jealous girl began spreading rumors around school about my sister and I. She said all kinds of things: we were fakes, two-faced, slutty, easy, STD-infected … She even started a rumor that I’d been gang-banged and was on drugs. It was as if, because her boyfriend liked my sister, suddenly my sister and I were both terrible, awful boyfriend-stealers – which couldn’t be further from the truth, about either of us! Being high school, of course these rumors spread like wildfire, and of course there were people who got caught up in the drama of it all. All of my girlfriends happened to get caught up, and they all turned their backs against my sister and I. As the rumors continued to spread, and continued to grow, people were treating us differently. Guys specifically. They began talking to us and treating us likes whores, like pieces of trash.
I cried for weeks. It was all too psychologically difficult for me to handle – I was frustrated and felt tortured by the rumors, and by how awful my perfect high school life was becoming. I knew the truth about my sister and I, and I knew we’d never done anything wrong, to any of these mean girls or immature guys. It all hurt so much, I didn’t know what to do. I began to contemplate suicide. I started cutting myself. It was the only way I knew how to lessen some of the pain, and the fear I was developing – fear of going to class, fear of trying to make new friends, fear of generally trusting people. The fear of going to class, and of going to school really at all, lead me to start skipping school altogether. I watched as the perfect attendance and GPA I’d created fell apart. I’d always been a confident, A+ student, but now I was failing all my classes. I couldn’t concentrate when I was in class, so it seemed silly to even attempt to attend. I began rebelling against my parents, sneaking out and smoking. Thinking back, all I can remember is that I just stopped caring, about everything. I’d lost myself. I didn’t know who I was anymore.
I’d lost all my friends. When you’re a teenager, your friends – your social circle – is everything to you. It’s such a huge part of your identity. Without it, who are you? I had lost all trust in female friends, so I stopped dealing with females. Soon enough, I had only guy friends, which didn’t help my new reputation at all.
I tried telling my parents what was happening, and I begged to be home-schooled. Instead, they began grounding my sister and I for cutting class, getting bad grades and sneaking out. I felt like a caged rat – I had no place to go, I was just running around in circles, and I felt like I was going crazy. Something had to give.
One night, my twin and I ran away from home. My parents couldn’t handle it anymore. Our high school principal told my parents to send us to juvenile detention because we were “out of control”. That was like a wake-up call for our parents. They pulled us out of school and enrolled us in an alternative high school. It was still hard for me to trust people, especially girls, because I was terrified of being targeted again. I’d been held back a grade because of all of my school trouble, so I had a lot of work to do to get back on track. I knew this was my second chance, and I took it. Five years later, I can look back and recognize how hard I worked to get to where I am, who I am, today.
I was a victim of bullying and I know the power of rumors can be like an infectious disease, and it can cause scars that last a lifetime. Some of those scars you can see, and some you can’t. Rumors are powerful yet invisible, and they can quickly turn from innocent “gossip” to insidious poison that destroys lives. The words that one jealous, insecure girl decided to tell some of her high school friends still affect me today. Those words left me with painful childhood memories and a different path through young adulthood than I ever imagined.
I wouldn’t be who I am today without that girl doing exactly what she did. I am stronger now, and I have learned to love myself, and I have finally learned how to trust again. I like to think I appreciate life, and opportunities, more than I might if I hadn’t been through what I went through. I believe in loving others, forgiving quickly, and ridding my life of people who aren’t worth my time and energy.
Words are more powerful than we realize, especially when we’re young. I’m one of the lucky ones – I came out of my bullying experience on the other side, and I was able to learn from it and turn it into motivation to move my life forward. Every victim isn’t as lucky as me, so this is for those victims. This is for the bullied who don’t know how to speak out, or feel like they can’t. Be careful what you say because it can destroy lives.
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